Hard Workers Finish Last

From the Rav’s Corner

Choice is a funny thing. Some pose the question – do we even have choice at all? Many argue that free will is a bogus term, and everything is pre-determined by a higher being.  Others feel that we create our own destiny based on choices we make from birth till death. I tend to agree with the latter theory for one simple reason – hard workers (I fucking  hate them). I’ll explain.

Hard workers are the thousands of muskrats who live in the library, sleep in the office, or crawl into their rooms to work until the wee hours of the morning.  They need to, nay, CHOOSE to work every second of every day. We all know them, and we all hate them, unless your one of them; in which case, did I mention how much I hate you?  And next time we see one of them, let’s all agree to spit in their faces. Once spitting, give them a chicken wing into the throat. (Definition: a chicken wing is a motion where one swings his elbow back to create space; often a basketball technique)

Let me make myself clear. There are vast differences between working hard and hard workers. Working hard, for example is studying for a test, completing a project at work, or putting in the necessary effort/time to reach a goal. It’s an essential attribute in order to excel. What I respect most of those who work hard, is that they also find time to enjoy the finer things in life – the occasional cocktail after work, a night at the movies, or maybe even socializing with, god forbid, friends. Hard workers on the other hand are socially retarded. They do not have friends nor do they want friends, for the simple reason that work consumes their lives. (Caveat: people who you study/work with do not count as friends). The ONLY thing that matters to these people is work, work, work. In the end, they are going to die, die, die and what are they going to show for their lives. I’ll tell you – a big hairy pile of donkey doo.

 There are millions of reasons I detest hard workers, but I will limit my ramblings to three distinct issues:

 1)  90% of their “work” is completely unnecessary
 2) They walk around with this shitty smug face that makes me want to take a baseball bat and use their heads as a fucking piñata (Feliz Cumpleanos bitch)
 3) But what I hate most is that these people think they are superior,  judging anyone and everyone that they deem ‘unfit’

I have always followed the infamous motto – “Work hard, play hard” NOT “Work hard, I am a fucking loser so lets work some more.” These people don’t have a fucking life. Since high school, these hard workers think that their sole purpose in this world is to be “successful” at any cost, sparing no time to enjoy adolescence at its best. But these people will lose in the end- I guarantee it.

Expounding on point 3, I’ve come across two girls in my life (fuckin douches) who used to criticize my work ethic. Naturally, these two ladies were your typical hard working whores. The first slutbag was in high school; she asked me what I like to do on weekends. My answer, like most normal kids my age was, “I go to parties and hang out with my friends.” This bitch had the audacity to respond with something along the lines of, “Oh, well do you expect to get into a good college with that type of attitude.” The other instance was at Tufts (the bad college I settled on because of my work ethic) when a girl in my group flipped her shit because I didn’t want to work on our project 24/7. She wanted to schedule a group meeting on Friday fucking night. Who is she kidding? After I explained politely that I take a break from work on Friday nights, she rudely said, “Just because you are used to getting bad grades, does not mean that I am.” Boo freekitty hoo. Who the fuck do these bitches think they are? Just because you tools like to work every day of the week doesn’t mean that everyone else does. I’d rather work 1/25 of the time , enjoy life and still get my shit done. Suck it ladies. Oh yea, I got an A- in the class and this dumbass ended up with a B+.

At the end of the day, many of these hard workers will get into the college of their choice, or land a solid job right after undergrad, but at what cost? High school and college are the periods where you grow socially as well as academically. Learning about yourself is just as crucial, if not more, than memorizing what’s inside your textbooks. And being a tight ass, piece of shit, good for nothing hard worker will not cultivate this truly unique experience. Not only will you have zero legit friends, but your experiences will be as exciting as the top ten Tetris moves of the decade.

As stated before, more often than not, these hard workers will be successful with their endeavors. When will the hard work end though? For most of these assholes, the answer is never. Constantly working since an early age, will transform these people into workaholics. These early successes stories will certainly lead to future failures. While those who “simply” work hard have already figured out that delicate balance between work and pleasure, those who are hard workers will never find that happy medium. Because of their gruesome work ethic, (which society fully accepts and deems of better-quality) I truly believe these hard workers will eventually become terrible spouses, negligent parents, and as interesting as toe cheese. In the end, these hard workers will lose, just wait.

 
Happy Friday.